May 25, 2010

I Get Naked In A Giant Champagne Glass

Yes, I really did swim around in a giant champagne glass...naked...but that's not important.

EW and I decided to get away for a romantic night last weekend. We decided to stay at Paradise Stream in the Poconos mountains.

I've heard some mixed reviews about this place but it's not the place that defines your stay, it's who you are with. So all of these bitchy old ladies that complain about every little thing at a resort, you are really complaining about your husbands. You just don't know it!

So we booked one night in the Champagne Towers which looked like the funnest room out of the many options they had to offer. The lobby was alright, nothing special. They had some pretty flower arrangements I guess....

EW picked out our activities for the day in his cute little Ferragamo shoes while we waited for our room.

He signed us up for archery (I totally sucked and only got 2 arrows onto the target), biking (my first time riding in about 5 years! It's true, you never forget how to ride a bike), bocce ball (stupid game), boating, shopping (duh), and horseback riding.

When we first walked into our room, the first thing I noticed was the enormous, very hard to miss, champagne glass jacuzzi with starlights above it. "Oh my godddd...take a picture...take a picture!!" was the first thing I yelled as I flung my camera at EW's face and ran to pose next to it.

The next thing I noticed was a beautiful heart shaped pool on the opposite side of the living room. I wonder how many people have had sex in that water..ugh gross.

Our bedroom had a Hugh Hefner-esque round bed. I immediately jumped on it and tried to find the button that made it spin. Damn bed didn't spin, but was still pretty cool in a tacky/novelty kind of way.

Ok, enough about the room. You can use your imagination with what went on in there.

As soon as we got settled we went to Mountain Creek for some horseback riding. Now I've had some horseback riding nightmares in my past, so I made sure that there would be no galloping on this trip.

I got a skinny little white horse named Cotton. Apparently she was the fastest horse they have but that day she decided to be lazy and stop every 2 minutes while everyone looked at me like it was my fault my horse was being stupid.
Look! I'm a real cowgirl.

I liked my horse before I found out it sucked at walking.

EW got a big fat horse named Pedro.

Pedro is obviously a boy, and EW looks way too happy to be sitting on a boy horse.

Our horses didn't like each other much but posed long enough for us to take this adorable picture. Damn babe, your arms are getting big :)

Even though my horse caused much turmoil during the trip, and my butt became permanently bruised because my lack of butt cushioning, it was tons fo fun and the scenery was great to look at. Yes I took this while holding the horse with one hand. I'm a woman therefore I can multitask :)

After the butt assault, we did my fav sport, shopping, where I got so much Coach crap for only $225! I bought a cute tote for when I travel by plane and a laptop sleeve to match. Unfortunately, my laptop won't fit into the damn thing so if anyone wants a 14'' Coach laptop sleeve for $50 (retail price $78), email me!

We finished a day off on the lake where we went on this weird boat thing where you use these pedal things. I don't know the name and I really don't feel like googling it so here is a pic. You can see the boat behind us.

The lake was small but kind of romantic and totally reminded me of that one scene in the notebook where the two of them are in their boat and they jump into the lake. We didn't do that because my fish phobia would probably cause me to hyperventilate even at the thought of jumping in.


That night, we went to a live game show of "Not So Newlyweds" where they asked married couples very x-rated (and utterly disgusting questions) about their sex lives. Some memorable ones were:

Host: What would you like your wife to do to you more often?

Huge Black Guy: Eat my ass out!


Host: What is the weirdest thing that has been in your vagina?

Librarian-Looking Lady: A two-headed worm tickler!


Host: What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you during sex?

Sad Looking Man: I got my wife pregnant.


Host: What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you during sex?

Young Guy: I was doing my wife, and my dog sniffed my ass during.


Damn people in the Poconos are NASTY!

News Update - I'm going to New Orleans on Thursday! I haven't been there since I was 15 and I need my beignet fix!

Pictures soon!


Carlos J Torres said...

Your right about , who your with. My girl and I went there and had a great time. It's for happy couples not people who think this place will make them happy. It's a great place to recharge.

Julie Abramson said...

exactly :)

Jenny pooh said...

I am jealous of your travel adventures but I find it joyful to read them. You two are so beautiful together not to mention the times the two of you share.

I look forward to more posts <3

Jewelz said...

Aw thanks Jenny Pooh. Love you always!

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