I Visit The City Of Mardi Gras And Boobs - New Orleans

-I ate crawfish this weekend!

-I went into a swamp with alligators this weekend!

-I corrupted my liver with 190 Octane''s this weekend!

Guess where I was?? Yep..

New Orleans

Or as the locals call it...Nawlin's. If you say it all touristy like I did "New Orleeeeeens", they will laugh at you silently.

So EW had another business trip, and OF COURSE I tagged along. One day, he is going to tell me I'm a pain in the butt when I tag along with him on his travels. And that will be the day I accuse him of cheating on me with many woman in different cities!

We stayed at the W Hotel in the French Quarter. It was unlike any W I have ever stayed at because it was originally an old mansion that got turned into a hotel. Whoever lived in that building when it was a mansion was stupid rich.



The hotel had a cute courtyard for the guests to relax outside with the signature W purple color splashed all around.



In the center of a courtyard was an old fashioned (weird for W Hotel) fountain that had fire spewing out of it. I'm sorry but I do not want to see any kind of fire in 95 degree weather. Why can't it be spewing gatorade or an icy mist?



At the very end of the courtyard there was a big outdoor grand staircase that led up the guest's rooms. EW always asks me why I pose with my hands on my hips. Because it makes my arm fat go away duh!



The pool was tiny because it was originally a home so we spent most of our time tanning. EW as always on his phone working while tanning blah. Get off your phone and look at the pretty girl next to you!

The first thing we did was go have some breakfast. But first me taking pictures of myself in bathroom while waiting for EW to get ready.



Should the girl take longer to get ready than the guy..what the hell?



Ok, that's enough. Breakfast was so good. I wasn't going to eat but ended up eating like half the food. The french toast was almost cake-like consistency. They tried charging us $3 more for egg whites in our omelette. WHAT? No thanks! I know $3 is nothing but it's the ripping you off thing that annoys me. You can buy a whole carton of eggs for $3. I think...





After breakfast we headed to the French Quarter. We passed by world famous Cafe Du Monde and saw the 200+ person line and I couldn't help but laugh at the suckers standing and waiting.

I've been to Cafe Du Monde before and their coffee isn't any better than your local diner. And the beignet....well they are just funnel cake cleverly disguised as more important sounding pastries!

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Also saw this awesome sign that was selling "big ass beers". Is that the name of the brand or are they really just BIG ASS beers?



Then I saw this sign and instantly wanted a "big ass beer" to go. Why can't Philly have big ass beers to go? Or even better, Cosmpolitans to go. Or the best idea of all, have alcohol delivered right to your door.



For those of you who have no clue what the French Quarter market is, it's basically a huge market that sells a ton of dead alligator heads, cajun food, fake label bags, cheap jewelry and a ton of other stuff. It's kind of like if Soho shopping and New Orleans had a baby.



Dead alligator heads! Only $7.99! I couldn't resist buying one for my cousin. Have no clue what she is going to do with it. Maybe use it as cup holder?



Tons of fresh organic food to choose from.



Jackson Square was nearby so had to get a picture there.



Had to get a flying pic also. Didn't actually go inside the Jackson Square churches because not religious and totally don't care about seeing inside of church for the 500th time. When I lived in Ukraine for 6 months, I was forced to see a new church every week. They all look the same!!

We did so much walking we had to refuel with some real Nawlin's food. I was craving boiled crawfish for a week before going there and when we finally got to the place where they served them to us last time I was there, they didn't have any :(



The next best thing was something called "crawfish ettouffe" which I thought would be some kind of crawfish soufflee? But it turned out to be really really good. Creamy and delicious.



On the way back to the hotel, we saw these adorable fully grown ponies!!! It was like a life-size my little pony omg they were so cute. Expensive though, they were like $1,500-$4,000 so EW said I couldn't have one. Picture with them was all I got.



The next day we went to the Aquarium which is 100X better than the Baltimore Aquarium. I took so many cool pics, but will only bore you with a few.



We took a trolley thing which was pretty brave of me...public transportation is yuck and freaks me out. But this trolley was clean and well kept.



Me with a fake sea horse!



A real sea horse! This little dude was smaller than half my pinky finger. And for those who know me, know I have tiny little fingers.



This little f*!@^er was so hard to take a picture of. I had to turn off the flash, set the cam on macro and take like 50 shots with my hand completely still before I got one good shot of him. I figure it's a him because a girl wouldn't be that annoying to take a photo of.



A big eel/condom/deflated penis looking thing.



And some naughty parrots that were totally caressing and biting each other's necks in front of the children.



After the aquarium, we took an airboat to the swampy water of Nawlin's to see some Alligators!



It was my 3rd time going on this tour so I knew what to expect. Well, besides the crazy thunder/rainstorm when the boat took off! It's ok, it cleared up after 30 minutes or so and we got to see some big, scary alligators.



These huge monsters ate....people...no, but really they ate marshmallows. They are absolutely obsessed with marshmallows and if one is thrown into the swamp, you better believe an alligator will slowly pop his head out of the water and start chomping.



Our tour guide even caught a little baby alligator (actually he was 3 years old but he looks like a baby) and we all got to hold him. Surprisingly, he was soft and warm, not cold and scaly like I thought it would be.



Beautiful sunset to end our tour. Very important to appreciate sunsets once in a while.



We did get to have some late night fun as well on Bourbon St. That place is seriously like a 24/7 Mardi Gras. The streets are jam packed with drunk assholes who keep asking you to show your boobs. Like do they really think I would show my boobs for a 2 cent plastic necklace?

Mardi Grad flashing HAD to have been invented by some college dude. It's the ultimate deal for any guy. Instead of paying $20 to see boobs at a stripclub, you pay 2 cents to see boobs, and you can even touch!



All those bras...no wonder there are so many woman walking around with saggy gross boobs.



And of course we had to try the famous 190 Octane drink. One big cup, shared between the both of us, got us drunk enough to the point where I considered showing my boobs...Hah..never!



Another night we went to Whiskey Blue located inside the W. It was alright, nothing special.





And another night we went to Metropolitan (deluded banquet hall that thinks it's a nightclub) and Republic (too drunk to remember anything).

From these two nightclubs, which were the "hottest" clubs in New Orleans, I concur that New Orlean's upscale nightlife is sadder than Philly's. Makes me feel a little better about living in Philly!

I felt so out of place at both clubs. Ew and I were too "city" for the people there if you know what I mean. Can't explain it. Lets just say the people were very "simple".

Hmm, I wonder if people from Miami and Vegas say that about us Philly folk? :)

Ok, this post is way too long.....

News Update: I will be traveling to the most exciting place I have been to in 8 years two weeks from now!!!!

THE END :)