July 14, 2009

Guido Guys

I have been spending a lot of time in Atlantic City this summer and I have never seen so many Guidos all in one place. The Guido stereotype is often portrayed as humorously thuggish with an overtly macho attitude and an unyielding pride in his Italian ancestry. Many Guidos have gelled, spikey hair, are tanned orange, have a steroid physique, and love pink polo shirts with the collar popped. They usually wear gold chains, spend way more money than they have, and are obnoxiously cocky. The only people that can actually stand these guys are the female versions, the Guidettes.

This is extremely embarrassing to say, but I used to be attracted to Guidos back when I was 18/19 and stupid. All young girls get sucked into the “I’m bad” and “I’m cool” type of guy, but it wears off quick as soon as the girl grows up and learns a few things. Now they are just fascinating to me and I especially love watching them dance.

Here are some extremely important rules to being a true Guido:

1. If your last name is not Italian, blatantly lie and make one up that sounds good enough to convince a bimbo girl to think you have mob ties oozing out your pores.

2. All eyebrows must be waxed to a perfect 90 degree angle.

3. Make sure you tell the young impressionable girl you’re trying to sleep with that you can get her and her friends a bottle in the VIP even though you only scrape about $325.00 a week delivering pizzas.

4. You must wear a sweatband on one forearm because it looks good.

5. You must claim to come from a rich family even if your father is a mailman.

6. You must play either hard core techno music or house music in your car and nothing else even if your have an urge to play something else.

7. You must claim to have “connections” with the nightclub bouncer even though he only knows you as “buddy.”

8. You must go tanning as often as humanly possible.

9. You must begin juicing in mid February to get in peak balloon condition by Memorial Day Weekend.

10. You must still live at home with your mommy and daddy in order to save enough money to lease a low end BMW or Mercedes Benz.

Well there you have it. Below is a photo of a Guido trying to copy my photograph, WTF?


Lauren M said...


WildinOut.com said...

Hahaha! Very Funny Jewelz!

Vasya said...

lol wow....

a few things to add

They wear tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol

Usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.

Guido's and fist pumping you will always see that

ColorJunkie said...

LMAO! omg thats sooo funny. I usually call that hairdo "the birds nest" LOL

Tania said...

Can i get a one small pic from your site?

nelly said...

the guido thing is really funny jewelz, nice pic of him u got copying u ...lol there needs to ne an end to ed hardy too bc guidos made the company no longer cool ...

Ryskaia Devochka said...

HAHAHA!!! lol... funny shit... but i still love the gUIDOS ! and the jersey shore! :) we always have fun @ Surfclub & D'jais !! :) Can't wait till they open up this year !! :)