My Dogs Are Better Than The Men I Date

A dog is for life

Dogs admit when they're jealous
When a guy is jealous of another man, he will deny it like his life depends on it. When Gucci gets jealous of another man touching me, he will snap and growl and claim his territory! It makes me feel so wanted and loved.

Dogs are easy to buy for
I can’t tell you how many times I have bought something for a guy only for him to stuff it into the back of his closet and never use it again. But when I shop for London and Gucci, I know for a fact that as long as whatever I buy is either fluffy and squeaky or meaty, they will absolutely love it.

The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas
OK, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.

Dogs will wait patiently outside clothes shops
I can rarely force a man to go clothes shopping with me. But dogs will patiently wait for you and they will never criticize your purchases afterward.

Dogs think you are a culinary genius
When I microwave a hot dog, Gucci and London stare at it like I just cooked the tastiest meal on Earth. And if I happen to give them a few bites, they praise the ground I walk on for the rest of the day and call me the Iron Chef of Philadelphia.

Dogs don't break wind in public and blame it on the woman
London is the fart machine in our family, and when he lets one go he just stares at his ass for a few seconds and then goes back to sleep. He fully acknowledges that he is the one that stunk up the room. Men are always trying to put the blame on you.

Dogs mean it when they kiss you
A kiss from a dog says "I love you, I love you, do you love me? Because I love you!". A kiss from a guy says "Will you blow me tonight and massage my back until I fall asleep leaving you unsatisfied?".

Dogs don't mind having a pink wardrobe
Both of my dogs are male and both have wardrobes that consist of pink and glittery outfits. And let me tell you, neither of them have complained once. I once bought a pink shirt for my boyfriend, and he looked at is as if I was punking him. As the saying goes, only a real man can wear pink and look good!

We be gangsta Yo!