December 22, 2012

My Creepo Facebook Messages

I recently learned that Facebook has been filtering my inbox messages for several years now. Anything Facebook deems unworthy of my reading, it throws the message into an "Other" folder that I never even knew existed. 

At first I was pretty pissed off to learn that I had been missing on business opportunities for over a year but as I opened message after message I realized what Facebook was really doing. It was filtering all of the perverted, psycho stalkers out there from ever reaching me. 

Sorting through all these perverted love letters and marriage proposals really creeped me out but it was a bit humorous as well. And that is why I've decided to share some of my favorite messages with you! And I won't even bother censoring the names so that in the future, if some creepo decides to send me a nasty message, they will think twice before doing so!!

My Creepo Facebook Messages 

-Mom?? Ewww.

-First off "Chris", If you have been an international supermodel since 1999 (14 years ago) that means you are old as hell now. That means you are like the grandpa of supermodels. Second, the fact that you just mentioned that you traveled the world 10 times over makes your statement "I don't go bragging every four seconds" extremely hypocritical. Third, my so called "lottery ticket" is in reality a beautiful and caring husband who understands his wife's passion for traveling and would do anything it takes to see his wife smile. Be it buying her a chocolate cupcake or flying her to Paris. And last but not least, I would be successful with or without my husband because I am driven by people like you to prove them wrong. PS. I doubt Grandpa supermodels pull in a million a year these days ;)

-Please stop begging.

-Can you want to stick your head in a blender?

-Why would anyone ever strike a deal with someone so illiterate? You can't even end a sentence with a proper punctuation mark. Wait you know what, I'm actually feeling nice today. I think I'll just take 50k of my husband's money and ship it off to Romania for you and sit on my comfy couch here in the US and wait until you build me a super-mega club that I will most definitely make millions from. 50k in Romania goes a long way doesn't it? 

-What makes your heart a gift? Unless it is my husband's heart or it is studded with canary diamonds, I do not quite distinguish it as a gift.



-May I vomit?

-I hope you know that my mother reads my blog and you should be ashamed of yourself!

-Really? Because I always thought Juliet sounded much nicer. 

-Riccardo....why is your email address so feminine? Identity crisis?

Ok, I have a ton more messages but I'll leave that for a second post! Time to get back to work :)

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