May 24, 2011

All The Woman Be At Walmart!

I ran into this video while surfing the web a few days ago and was horrified by what I saw. The video made my eyes bleed yet I couldn't look away. The pure ghetto-ness of the whole thing is on another level. A level us normal folks could never understand...or want to understand.

I present to you - Walla-Wally World!

My Thoughts...

1. Who calls a shopping cart a basket??? I guess technically it is an over-sized basket but noooo...we don't call it that. It has a name for a reason. Use it!!

2. And since when are all of the woman at Walmart? If you are referring to 86 year old grannies with saggy boobs then you might be right. That is their daily hangout spot after all.

3. Did those two men girls get their matching booty shorts at Walmart? It sure looks like it. They probably got an awesome 2 for 1 deal!

4. Do you think the girls got paid with a dinner at McDonald's or Burger King?

5. Where do you learn to bounce your ass like that? I can't begin to comprehend the physics that go into making your ass simulate a bouncing jello mold. I'm guessing they learned to do that after working a good ten years at the local strip joint.

6. Notice at 00:34 an over weight mom and her preteen daughter join the two men girl's ass bouncing. That's another two Burger King meals. Damn this video is starting to get expensive to make.

7. Anyone else notice the entire video consists of 5 words being repeated over and over again? Half the time, the rapper's mouth doesn't even match up to the lyrics. FAIL

8. She got a Louisiana Purchase Card? So, not only does she like to booty bounce all over Walmart she also has a welfare card!! What a catch this one is! Take her straight to mom!

9. I like how at 1:53 they artistically position the shopping carts baskets to make for a more interesting background for the ass bouncing.

10. The girls try on underwear in the lingerie section. Where the hell are the Walmart employees? They should have been decontaminating the lingerie!! There are now girls walking around somewhere with crabs not knowing where they got it from!

11. She buying Summer's Eve? She keep her body clean? Ewwww and FYI, douches are a leading cause of bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections because they kill all of the good bacteria down there. They are very unhealthy for you, especially the scented ones. The guy can't even say douche correctly. It's not "dush" you moron.

12. Can someone call the Fire Records at 504-344-4390 and ask them if they were on crack when creating this video?

13. And lastly a question for the you find this attractive at all? I mean..girls must do the bouncy thing for a reason. Some of you must think it's sexy. If you do....please go throw yourself off a bridge. Thank you on behalf of all mankind!

Oh I can keep going and going. I just have many other things to do today so I must stop here. Feel free to add on to what I missed. This video, even though illiterate, speaks a thousand words about our youth today.

May 20, 2011

Call Me Scarface

It's been two weeks since I've written anything on here! So after many complaints from blog readers, I will explain why I have been neglecting my blog lately.

As you all know, most of my blog posts consist of random, sometimes self-absorbed, photos of myself. Well, my face has not exactly been picture worthy recently and I will show you why.

Friday morning I woke up with this horrid thing on my face not knowing where it came from.

I think this was a result of me being drunk and having scissors in my hands simultaneously. Not sure though. It will forever remain a mystery.

And to make it worse, E.W was in Paris so I had no shoulder to cry on. I just ate a pint of chocolate brownie Ben & Jerry's ice cream and cried into the ice cream bucket afterwards.

First my chin, now my cheek. Why me! Whyyy!

And to make it worse, I'm moving to Florida in 1.5 weeks and now I can't expose my face to the sun for 4-5 months so that my scar won't turn funny purple colors. Wonderful...I will now have to become one of those weird, floppy hat ladies on the beach.

If you've never noticed, older woman always wear big floppy hats at the pool or on the beach. It's because they are more aware of the sun's damaging effects to the skin than the younger generation. I always knew I'd be a floppy hat lady in my 30s but never thought in my mid 20s :(

I have been staying out of the sun and putting Neosporin on the wound like it's my job so fortunartely it has been fading pretty well.

E.W. was a gentleman like always. As soon as he got back from Paris he bought me Mederma and some weird silicone sheets that I have to leave on for 8 hours a day if the wound ends up scarring me. FML

I always hated the stupid Mederma commercial with the creepy girl and her scar. And now I'm that creepy girl with a scar damn it!!

He even got me some microdermabrasion treatments in case the scar becomes elevated off the skin! thinks E.W. doesn't want to marry an ugly girl with ugly scar on her face.

Here is the progression of the wound healing in the first 4 days. Sorry, no makeup in pics because can't wear makeup till it heals and puffy eyes because was crying into a Ben & Jerry's bucket.

Healing pretty nicely...right??

Anyway, now you all know why I've been out of commission lately. But I promise...many more interesting posts very soon!! My moving adventures and my upcoming trip to Israel (maybe)!!

May 03, 2011

Free Pizza And Bamboo Cutting Board Giveaway

This Giveaway is over and the winner is Jessica Middlemas. Congrats!!!!
This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of FRESCHETTA® for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.
Hey blog readers!
Here is your chance to win something useful AND yummy on my blog! I am giving away the new and delicious FRESCHETTA® Simply…Inspired™ pizza and a round bamboo cutting board that swivels to hide awesome utensils for serving cheeses and other appetizers.
I received my coupon for a free Freschetta Simply Inspired Pizza and cutting board in the mail a few days ago. Getting a free pizza in the mail was like Christmas for me. I love pizza!!
I received two cutting boards. One for me, and one for a lucky reader.
I personally like the round cutting board the best but I will keep the square one since I want my blog reader to have the best one!
I chose to try the Harvest Supreme Freschetta Simply Inspired Pizza because it has the most toppings. Tons of toppings and thin crust is a must in my pizzas!
This particular one had Italian sausage, black olives, spinach, sun dried tomatoes, roasted red onions, mozzarella and feta cheese. Can we say YUM?
The crust baked perfectly into a thin crisp and held the toppings without bending. The sauce was sweet and all of the toppings were so tasty!
Most frozen pizzas I've had in the past aren't as flavorful as freshly made pizzas but Freschetta includes a FRESCH-TASTE SEAL™ Packing which holds all of the yummy flavors inside and doesn't let them escape and also uses 30% less packaging material.
Ok, now for the giveaway!
How To Enter?
Mandatory Contest Entry (Both are required for contest entry):

  • Leave a comment on this post! Tell me which Freschetta Simply Inspired Pizza will you try if you win.
  • Follow this blog via Google Friend Connect (in right column of blog)
Optional Contest Entry (Each counts for an additional entry)

*After you follow me via Google Friend Connect, post a comment with the name you used to connect and your email address.

*If you retweet this blog post, post the link to your tweet.

*If you subscribe to me on Youtube, post a comment with your Youtube name.
The Rules
Contest ends May 12th, 2011 when I will pick a winner at random. If there are less than 20 entries the contest will be extended until there are 20 entries or more.

*Reminder* just commenting on this post will not enter you into the giveaway. You must follow me on Google Friend Connect.

All contestants must live within the continental United States and must be able to provide a valid mailing address upon winning. I am not responsible for items that are lost, stolen or damaged during shipment. The winner will have 48 hours to respond to my email and redeem the item or a new winner will be chosen.
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